We arrived home last night after a week of vacation. I am EXHAUSTED today. I want to sleep. My baby keeps grunting, my dog is whining, suitcases full of dirty laundry are staring at me, there is mail to attend to, the fridge is empty and I want to lay in bed all day and watch Parks and Recreation and Sunny and Dexter. I am in a fog today. I have these days where I feel like I’m moving through oil and nothing is quite clear. I feel indecisive and lethargic. I have discovered in the past seven months that being a Mom means I don’t get to just have a “me” day and do nothing. I still have to coo at baby Lulu and cheer her on in her attempts to crawl. We took a walk to the park and played in the backyard. The atmosphere is crisp but I feel like I’m living in one of my dreams where I don’t have my glasses on and everything is blurred.
I have a theory as to why I am so exhausted – I have been holding my breath all week on vacation and now as I exhale I simultaneously feel like collapsing. Although there were moments of peace and awesomeness on my trip, my energy gets zapped when I am around so many people non-stop. I present that I am flexible and easy-going, that I don’t care what we do or where we eat, I don’t express lots of opinions and I try to be helpful. On the inside, I wish I could say, “I don’t want to go to the mall” or “I want to eat somewhere that has at least one good vegetarian option” or “I want to go to a meeting so I need the car” or “I wish we could do one cool thing that doesn’t completely revolve around alcohol.”
Vacation is over. The fog will hopefully lift tomorrow. I am still sober. I get to go to my Saturday morning meeting tomorrow – my first meeting in 10 days!! I am going to ask my husband to take Lulu this evening so I can have empty arms and some time to myself. I might even take a hot bath and get in bed at 9:00 pm… on a Saturday night.